For my first post I’d like to share a little story about my trip to Thanksgiving dinner. I had just boarded a flight to go see my family and a man sat down in my row. I had the window seat and he had the isle. He leaned over and said, “I hope no one has the seat in between us.” I said, “When I checked in yesterday there was no one sitting there but that was a while ago.” I felt friendly toward him because we both acknowledged how tiny these seats are and how nice it is when you have a little more room. He was an average size man, and I recently lost 30lbs (again) and am average sized myself.

A few minutes later a thin young blonde woman sat between us. The man leaned over and said to us, “At least none of us is really big. I hate it when I have to sit next to…” I didn’t hear the rest of his sentence because my anger and disappointment was consuming my entire being. This man who had shared my opinion about how nice it is to have room around you when you fly just lumped me into a category of opinion that enraged me. How could he think I would agree with him?! How could he think that I was the kind of person who was annoyed by sitting next to a fat person?! I was offended, and I had to figure out how to deal with it or I’d probably buy one of those expensive food boxes and consume my deep disappointment and anger. I found myself feeling conflicted about how to react to this moment. I wanted to scold this man for his lack of compassion, for his ignorance, but I also wanted a peaceful and relaxing flight. Was it worth my while to say something to him? If I did, would he argue with me? Would I seem like a righteous witch? Would he even hear what I said? I took several deep breaths. I couldn’t be a person who didn’t say anything. I couldn’t be a part of his judgment club. I was going to say something …and I needed courage.

As I breathed, I allowed myself to become more aware and more compassionate. I tried to have compassion for this man who offended me. I realized that he just wanted to connect, to bond. Granted, it was over something I disagreed with but I recognized that his intention was to make us feel good. I relaxed a little. The thin girl didn’t make a peep. My inner conflict was heating up and I knew I needed to speak.

I thought of one of my favorite quotes from Maggie Kuhn, “Stand before the people you fear and speak your mind –even if your voice shakes.” I did fear him. I feared his judgment and I feared his lack of compassion. So, I got centered from my heart and I said, “Well… I like it when bigger people sit next to me because it doesn’t really bother me. I figure they have enough pain and frustration having to stuff themselves into these teeny seats and they don’t need my judgment added to their experience.”

I was proud of myself. I had stood up for what I believed and I had done it with compassion. I spoke my mind even though I was nervous and uncomfortable and I had reminded him that we all deserve the room he desired no matter our size. The room we had both hoped to have when we first sat down.

He started back pedaling. He said, “Oh I know, it is difficult. These seats are too small.” I said, “Yeah.” That was all. We didn’t talk at all the rest of the flight but I didn’t feel any tension either. At the end of the flight we wished each other happy holidays and went on our separate ways.

I learned so much about myself in that moment. That man allowed me to see that one of my fears of losing weight was that people would assume that I judged fat people that way our society does. I feared that if I was thin, that I would be somehow be betraying other people who deal with fatness and overeating. I realized that if I am not overweight, I will be lumped into that category by many people whether I like it or not. I have accepted this as part of being thin. I just need to remember that when I become aware of this happening to me I can address it. I can speak my mind about it, and I will. What a relief.