So …I’m at Baskin Robbins tonight because I am, once again, allowing myself to “legalize food” (Overcoming Overeating) or going through the “Donuts and Doritos” phase (Thin Side Out). I am hungry so I’m excited to eat this. I have been brain-craving it for a few days so I am finally going to give it to myself.

Here’s the grind:  When I walk in I see the waffle cones and really want one. I have a long debate with myself about getting it or not, and decide against it because if I get the waffle cone and the ice cream I am just going too far! The calories! The points! The fat! In other words… The diet! the diet! the diet! My diet monster is raging!!! But the little girl, who seems to represent me in these situations, is begging for that cone! I decide against it again. Boy that diet monster has muscle! And …once again I am denying her/myself. Somehow, I feel disappointed in the experience with this decision but at least I am still getting the ice cream.

Then a miracle happened.

My friend who is with me orders a sundae. A SUNDAE!!! WHAT?! I have a moment of bliss! I think… I could have a sundae! …whoa. Then I realize… I don’t want a sundae… I want a waffle cone!

but of course it can’t be that easy. The waffle cones are too big for my taste. I want one, but not that big. I think… “they are too big.” I must have said it out loud because the ice cream cashier asks me if I want a sugar cone because they are smaller. I then realize that I have said it allowed and she is just trying to help me get what I want. I feel a pressure to decide so she can get to her other customers. Then I remember that I don’t have to eat it all. I do have to manage the guilt I have about consciously ordering too much food that I can’t take home, but it is worth it to me to have what I want. I also realize that, actually, that guilt is serving another purpose as well. It is a recognition that my body has a clear sense of the amount of food I need to consume to feel satisfied.

So I do just that. I eat the ice cream cone until I am satisfied and then throw the rest away. Liberating. A little sad I have to toss the cone but it’s okay. Maybe next time I will bring the cone home, and keep it in a baggie and crush it with my next scoop. The curiosity I am cultivating is making me creative… hum… this is feeling pretty good.